Deciding to sell

Reasons to sell your home can be many and varied, but it’s unlikely to be a decision anyone makes lightly: generally, when you need to move, you’ll know. Many of the motivations for sale are emotionally loaded, insomuch as they tend to happen at significant junctures in life. For example: to accommodate a growing family; downsizing after children have ‘flown the nest’; relocation for career; a relationship breakdown, if a property is unmanageable in later life.  

Whatever the reason, it is important to acknowledge it and how you feel about it. Ignoring emotions at this stage runs the risk of them resurfacing further down the line. At that point, it may be so far along the process that ‘pulling out’ of the sale comes with financial penalty, severe ramifications for others in the property chain, or the pressure to push ahead even if you have doubts or regrets.

Do you feel guilty at the thought of leaving a much-loved family home? Is there familial pressure to downsize or relocate? Are you sad to think you can’t manage a house (or garden) of this size anymore? Hopeful that a new relationship will go from strength to strength in a home you own together? Taking the time to process your feelings and focus on what the move will achieve (more/less space, career opportunities, time with family etc.) will hopefully offer reassurance that the decision to sell is right, even if it isn’t easy.

Why does selling your home prompt a strong emotional response?

Psychological theories on object attachment tell us that, in adulthood, what we own forms a part of our identity. Professor of Communication Karen Lollar said: “my house is not ‘just a thing.’ The house is not merely a possession or a structure of unfeeling walls. It is an extension of my physical body and my sense of self that reflects who I was, am, and want to be.” The thought of selling what feels like a part of your ‘self’ is understandably unsettling, so it’s no wonder that as a homeowner, selling often comes with it a great sense of loss and uncertainty.

Psychology also tells us that attachment to possessions deepens with age and experience. The thought of selling a momentous first home, or the home your children were raised in, for example, can feel almost treacherous - as though those experiences and memories are themselves being left behind.

Devoting some time to reflection here might help to deal with attachment to the home. Shift the focus to those possessions that you will be taking with you such as photographs, paintings, videos, books, Christmas decorations: these are an integral part of your home, and will not be left behind.

Sometimes as a seller you also have to manage others’ emotions about the process. Those with young children will be familiar with the upset often caused by a change in routine. Packing away (or rehoming) toys or other precious items can prompt strong emotional responses from children. What’s more, sometimes what children (and adults) feel attached to is intangible, so finding a way to treasure these can be difficult. One homeowner faced tremendous upset in her pre-schooler when moving from their home near mainline railway tracks; she had to record the sounds of the different types of trains (cargo, High Speed, Eurostar etc.) that went past their kitchen window in the week before they moved, so that he could listen to them in their new home.

Preparing to sell: decluttering

In line with the attachment we feel towards our possessions, one of the most obvious ‘pinch points’ of selling is decluttering your home.

Unsurprisingly, research has shown that procrastination around decluttering is common across generations, but the negative impact this can have on the psyche increases with age. Decluttering can be physically and emotionally draining, then, depending on how long you’ve been in your home and therefore how many years you’ve had to accumulate ‘stuff’.

Whether you are upsizing or downsizing is really irrelevant, there is no point in going to the effort of packing and moving anything that you don’t want or need in your next house. You will also need to ‘thin out’ the bits and bobs you have around your home for viewings and photography; it will be much easier to do this if you have already decluttered somewhat!

There are many ‘methods’ of decluttering out there. Whilst ‘tidying expert’ Marie Kondo advises us to remove items that do not “spark joy”, others use somewhat arbitrary criteria to decide which items should stay and which should go, for example: if it hasn’t been used in the past six or twelve months, getting rid of one item every day for a set period...

However you chose to declutter, you needn’t be ruthless. Something that has been tucked away in the back of a wardrobe for years may bring to mind fond memories, or remind you of an important person or event in your life; just because you haven’t looked at it or used it in a while, doesn’t necessarily mean that it isn’t important to you. In fact, one of the benefits of decluttering is finding those ‘lost treasures’, according to Cognitive Psychologist Alice Boyes. Other benefits of decluttering cited by Boyes include energy boosts and relieving anxiety.

Don’t rush through each room and attempt to declutter two decades’ worth of ‘stuff’ in a weekend. This will be overwhelming and the time pressure could cause you to discard items in en masse which you may well regret eventually. It is best to take time to tackle each room, and allow yourself the headspace to carefully reflect on whether you actually want or need an item in your next home, and why. These ‘stay or go’ decisions may take milliseconds, a few minutes or even longer, but according to Boyes they give us a psychological boost, making us feel competent and effective. Perhaps this can help make us feel more confident about the bigger decision to move in the first place!

Ideally, over a period of 1-2 months, allocate a little bit of time each weekend, or an evening or two per week, evaluating what you have and whether this has a place in your next home. Try to be systematic about the task, tackling one room at a time. Book in trips to the recycling centre with broken items, or donate unwanted but serviceable items to local charity shops. Systematic decluttering, tackled little by little, will help prevent the process becoming emotionally overwhelming, and maximise the emotional benefits of decluttering.

Marketing your home: photography, viewings and feedback

Marketing your home is associated with two emotional pinch points. Firstly, removing personal touches for photography and viewings. Many estate agents will advise you to remove family photographs, children’s toys etc., and sometimes to neutralise décor to appeal to potential buyers. The thought of depersonalising your home to such an extent might be upsetting, but remember this is just a tactic to help you move forward to your next home in the best position possible. Marketing your home well can often- but not always – mean making it look less like ‘yours’,  in turn allowing buyers to easily visualise it as ‘theirs’. Of course, some experienced buyers will be able to look past the superficial aspects of a property with ease, but it is better to appeal to the widest range of buyers possible, which can mean depersonalising your home to a certain extent.

Secondly, viewings can take an emotional toll on a seller. Some will choose to absent themselves from viewings completely (and therefore avoid meeting potential buyers), but you may wish to accompany viewings yourself. You must do whatever you feel comfortable with.

The main benefit in accompanying or hosting viewings is that you are on hand to answer questions that potential buyers may have, which estate agents might not be able to help with. For example, many agents will not allow prospective buyers into a loft space due to insurance limitations; as the owner, you can allow this. Similarly, if a buyer has questions about certain practicalities of the house (maintenance issues, for example), or the inclusion/exclusion of specific appliances or fittings, being on hand to field these can save a protracted conversation via estate agents after a viewing, and perhaps expedite the process of getting a good offer in.

There are some drawbacks to accompanying viewings as a seller. Some find it difficult to see a succession of prospective buyers traipsing through their home and evaluating the property from an outsiders’ point of view. In this case, it would be best to absent yourself from viewings and, ideally, discuss a marketing strategy with your estate agent that involves an ‘open day’ or ‘open house’. In this way your agent can fit in a full or half-days’ worth of viewings in one go, and you just need to take yourself out for a day.

If you accompany viewings, you may also overhear feedback on the property that you find a little hurtful. Comments on the style, quality or condition of décor or handiwork are all warranted when buyers are evaluating a property and whether they can see themselves living in it or buying to let. You might also hear what potential buyers would want to change about a property, which can be at odds with how you chose to have things and how you will remember it as your home. Remember, these comments are perfectly reasonable because a buyer is looking at this house and making observations as if it were theirs. It is not a commentary on your taste, DIY skills or lifestyle (although it might feel like it!), and should not be taken as such. If you find it difficult to hear feedback or observations about the property, perhaps it is best to leave the viewings to your trusted estate agent.

Considering offers

When you have offers on the table, it can be easy to let your heart take the lead. It can be tempting to jump at an offer, without giving time to:

• Let other prospective buyers view the property and potentially offer more.
• Carefully consider the offer and the buyer’s position. Are they cash buyers, first time buyers, chain free? What is their timescale for moving, and does this fit in with yours? These can all play a big role in a sale and ongoing purchase going ahead smoothly, so it is worthwhile taking the time to think about things.

It can also be easy to be swayed by estate agents when offers are on the table. Remember, they may not have your best interests at heart. Yes, they will want a high sale price for the property, but if several similar offers are on the table they might prioritise some over others. For example, they may try to push you towards accepting an offer from a buyer using their in-house conveyancing and mortgage broker services. This could detract from offers from other buyers in a better financial position or who are chain-free.

As difficult as it is to put off making difficult decisions, it is best to take at least 1-2 days to think over an offer before accepting or rejecting it. Most buyers will not expect a response any sooner, and this may just allow you the headspace to make the right decision for your move.

Look to the future

One of the best guards against the emotional strains of selling your home is to focus on the future. Yes, things will be chaotic for a while, and you’ll probably feel quite unsettled for a time. But what lies ahead in your new home? How will it feel to have more space/less gardening/a shorter commute? Think about the memories you will forge in your new home, as well as those you will take with you from this one.